Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar by Kelly Oxford

By Kelly Oxford

Kelly Oxford is . . .

A wunderkind manufacturer of pirated level productions for six-year-olds

Not the queen of the world

An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher

The child who stood as much as a bully and virtually handed out from the ensuing adrenaline rush

A born salesman

Capable of keen her eyesight to be 20/20

That woman who peed her pants within the fuel station that one time

Totally a professional on strep throat

Incapable of constructing Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend

A writer

A qualified treatment assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes

"Not fats sufficient to be tremendous snuggly." —Bea, age four

Not above utilizing raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a rushing ticket

"Bitingly humorous. yet all people is familiar with that." —Roger Ebert

Sad that David Copperfield doesn't personal a falcon

A bad liar

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Additional info for Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar

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Elements further to the Left, including myself, spoke out at various party meetings ragainst tying up the workers' movement with the Duma. For bourgeois Duma circles had given proof enough, not only of their inability to join the proletariat even against Rasputin, but also of their mortal fear even ofutilizing the strength ofthe prole­ tariat in the struggle for a constitutional regime or for 'carrying on the war to total victory'. This fear was completely justified. It was possible, of course, to summon up a spirit, but to force it into one's own service­ never.

A few years before the war broke out Helphand had moved to the Balkans, where he amassed a fortune in business; no doubt he was the only Marxist multi-millionaire in history. In january 1 9 1 5 he proposed to the German Ambassador in Constantinople a scheme to undermine the Tsarist Government by utilizing Rus­ sian dissidents and the agitation for independence on the part of various ethnic minorities. Distracted by a two-front war, al­ lured by the prospect of immobilizing the eastern front, the Gentian Imperial Government had accepted his proposal at once; it began funneling substantial sums to dissident groups in Russia.

And 1 9 1 7 in Russia gave this union body, shape, and direction. As we open Sukhanov's book the personages of that primordial drama, all of whom, in the wake of a single turbulent genera­ tion, have become shadowy memories or lifeless mummies, awaken to the urge of life, and twitch and tumble once again. This is where it all began. The stage is set, and Sukhanov carries. us, dreamlike, to the original act of creation. J. c. New York, 1 954 A D D EN D U M ( 1984) T H 1 R T Y years ago, when I wrote the Introduction to the first edition of Sukhanov's Personal Record, a situation that had baf­ fled Sukhanov himself was still unclear.

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